


The Greatest Show

by ilovelegendsalot



Category: Batman (1966), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Family, Fluff, Gen, Jason isn't as bad as some people think, Sibling Bonding, Some angst, Some swearing bc Jason, batman tv series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 03:05:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14865410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovelegendsalot/pseuds/ilovelegendsalot
Summary: Tim is having a miserable night.  Damian's a demon, he's hurt, he's lonely, and everyone always takes Damian's side.  Then Jason shows up.





	The Greatest Show

**Author's Note:**

> Eek, I’m writing Batman fanfiction, I’m kinda nervous. 
> 
> For my fanfictions I tend to just pull the parts I like best from all the different comics, so they don’t really have a place in any of the timelines, but it isn’t really important for this fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!:)

Tim was _not_ in a good mood.

Last night, a large-scale firefight had broken out at the docks between two of Gotham’s major gangs. It had been bad. The entire family had been called in. Which meant _Damian_ had been there. The brat was insufferable. Tim had already been forced to leave the manor because of the little demon. He was currently staying at one of his better safehouses until the brat apologized like any decent human being would and agreed to stop tormenting him. 

When he’d gotten shot in the shoulder then nearly drowned in the bay, which hadn’t been a pleasant experience, the brat had ridiculed him for his ’incompetency’. And of course Bruce and Dick had barely put in any effort to rebuke him. Not even a slap on the wrist. Telling the kid he was being rude wasn’t going to change anything. The brat knew he was rude – no, his behavior went beyond rude, cruel- and he was proud of it. He needed to be punished properly, but they were never going to do it. They were going to continue to allow Damian to abuse him, so they’d had no right to protest when he’d left immediately after having his wounds treated. 

Lonely. Betrayed. 

He’d been ignoring Dick’s calls all day. He hadn’t been talking to Dick for a while now. He’d made his choice. If it came down to a choice between Tim or Damian, Dick always chose Damian.

His shoulder ached horribly and the various other bruises he’d acquired last night weren’t helping. And he couldn’t go on patrol because Alfred had made him promise to take a few nights off so he had time to heal. He’d spent most of the day languishing on his couch getting ahead on his schoolwork and sorting through some paperwork for Wayne Industries. 

His brooding was interrupted by sudden, loud banging on his front door. Startled, Tim jerked his head out of his phone and turned towards the door. His eyebrows furrowed thoughtfully. Bruce and Dick didn’t knock like that unless it was urgent. Alfred _never_ pounded on a door like that. Damian might, but no way had Damian come here. Who else-

“Open the fucking door, Replacement!” Jason.

Tim’s eyes went from thoughtful to suspicious. Why the hell was _Jason_ here? Was this some kind of trick? Was he, God forbid, _angry_ at him about something? His temperamental predecessor wasn’t the type to just pop in for a visit. There had to be a reason.

“Either open this door or I’ll do it myself,” Jason threatened, hitting the door again to emphasize his point. 

He was _so_ not in the mood to deal with Jason right now. Especially an irate Jason. But as much as Tim hated to admit it, if Jason really wanted to get in, he was going to get in. He’d evidently already disabled his security since the silent alarms hadn’t gone off. That in itself was scary. Or Oracle had disabled it for him for some unknown reason. How did Jason even know that this was where he was living? 

Tim heaved a sigh and dragged himself off the couch, gritting his teeth at the pain that shot through his battered body. He cautiously approached the door, pulling up the security footage, which was still functioning weirdly enough, on his phone. It was probably a good sign that Jason hadn’t tampered with the cameras. If he was leaving evidence that he’d been here, he probably wasn’t up to anything criminal. Probably.

An irritated looking Jason was standing in his hallway holding cloth bags of what looked like groceries. What? He was dressed in full civvies with sweats and a red hoodie. He couldn’t see any weapons on him. That didn’t mean he didn’t have any, but he didn’t seem to be out for blood. And he hadn’t tried to kill him for a while now. He wasn’t really fighting the family anymore, though he was definitely still hostile.

Sending up a silent prayer that he wouldn’t regret this, he hesitantly opened the door a crack. “What are you doing here, Jason?” he asked, eyeing the family’s black sheep warily. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready to head out for patrol?”

“Alfred sent me,” Jason stated, picking up the bag he’d set down and shoving his way through the door, sending Tim stumbling back, narrowly missing bumping his injured shoulder against the wall.

“He sent _you_?” Tim asked skeptically, though he made no move to try and expel Jason from his property. Instead, he resigned himself to dealing with the intrusion, at least for a little while, and re-locked the front door.

“Why ya saying it like that?” Jason said, placing the groceries down on his counter. “He said something along the lines of Dick’s being a dick and contracted me into coming to check on you.” He cast a critical glance around the apartment. “Well, you’re definitely better than Dick, but that’s not saying much. Someone’s clearly used to having his rich ass waited on.”

Tim snorted, but his muscles relaxed as he followed him to the kitchen, hovering just outside it. Admittedly, things were a little disorganized and there was some dust, but he wouldn’t call it a mess. “My place is fine. And I wasn’t hurt that bad, I don’t need anyone checking up on me. And why do you have groceries?” He didn’t understand any of what was happening right now. He was sincerely considering the possibly that he’d fallen asleep on the couch and this was all some freaky twilight zone dream his mind had conjured up

Jason was casually sorting through the bags’ contents. “You dare to question _Alfred_?” He shook his head with mock dismay. “Must have hit your head hard last night.” He started going through Tim’s cabinets. “And the groceries are because you have terrible eating habits and he knew you haven’t restocked your pantry since you stormed off.” 

“I didn’t _storm off_ ,” Tim corrected testily, “And I don’t need him to send me food.”

“So what have you eaten today then?” Jason started putting the refrigerables into his fridge, tsking at how barren it was. “Coffee doesn’t count.”

“I was going to order takeout soon,” Tim said defensively.

Jason rolled his eyes. “You’re as pathetic as Bruce. Now all the bad guys need to do is develop a weapon that requires basic living skills to deactivate. It’d be the end of Gotham.”

Tim’s lips quirked, despite the fact that he’d just been insulted. The image of a horrified Batman facing down a pile of laundry flited through his head. “Somehow, I don’t see that happening.” 

“Just you wait, Timmy. The crazies are getting crazier by the day. It’s only a matter of time,” Jason said ominously, looking dead serious, but his smirk afterwards gave away that it was a joke. Then he paused from putting items into the cabinets. “Actually,” Jason mused, “I wouldn’t put it past Riddler. I don’t think he’d ever figure it out though…”

Tim couldn’t believe that _Jason Todd_ was in his kitchen, forcing food upon him and discussing ludicrous death traps. How had this happened? He hadn’t even talked to Jason in weeks (which was mostly Jason’s fault since he was so damn misanthropic) with the exception of last night. They weren’t physically fighting anymore, but Jason still avoided the family as much as possible. What did Alfred have on him? Or maybe it was true and Alfred was simply magic. He would honestly believe it. 

“What are you doing?” Tim asked, confused, as Jason started pulling out pans, all the groceries now in their proper places.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m making us dinner,” Jason said in a tone that suggested that Tim had just asked an incredibly stupid question.

If Tim had thought he was surprised before, it was nothing compared to the sheer shock he was feeling now. “But it’s late. You have patrol,” he stammered. You don’t like me. “And do you even know how to cook?” He shuddered as he recalled the last time Dick had tried to cook for him. Thank God he’d done it in his own kitchen and not Alfred’s. Tim didn’t even want to think about what might have happened to them.

“Like I would be as useless in the kitchen as the rest of you losers,” Jason scoffed. “I happen to be an _amazing_ cook. Learned from the best. And after last night, the scum are going to hide in their holes for a while. Not much is going to happen out there tonight. There’s no hurry.”

Tim blinked. Jason was right about it being a quiet night, but that didn’t explain why he was choosing to stay with him longer than was required. Or why he was offering to make him dinner. Alfred would have just cooked something himself and sent it over with Jason if he had wanted to give him a dinner. Which meant that Jason was doing this of his own volition. But why? Jason could be… well, he didn’t know what his rogue brother did when he wasn’t vigilanteing. What did he do during the day? He didn’t have a job and wasn’t in college, which wasn’t really his fault, being legally dead and all. He did have the Outlaws, but they weren’t around that much and they usually left Gotham to cause trouble elsewhere when they came together. Did Jason have hobbies other than beating up bad guys to a sometimes questionable degree? Other friends? Hangouts? He must, right? No one could live that kind of life 24/7 without some respite of normalcy. Tim didn’t know and he felt a little ashamed because of that. 

“So you decided it would be fun to come and pester me?” Tim asked, moving slowly to stand by the kitchen table, careful not to aggravate his injuries.

“Pester?” Jason snorted, “Really?” He was setting various bowls, pots, pans and ingredients onto the counter, none of which gave Tim any clues about what Jason was planning to make. Tim still wasn’t entirely convinced this wasn’t some kind of trick. But if it wasn’t… he didn’t want to push Jason away if he actually was reaching out a little for once.

“I’ll have you know,” Jason continued, “that you should consider yourself lucky that I’m gracing you with my presence.”

Tim slumped into one of the three wooden chairs around the table, watching Jason preheat the oven. “So you’re really staying for dinner?” he asked, slightly bewildered.

“I’m not making you food and not eating any myself. I’m not your damn private chef.”

Tim noticed the noodles he’d laid out. “You’re making lasagna?”

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?”

He shook his head. “No, I like lasagna…” What else should he say? What else could he say? Anything had the potential to set Jason off. After a moment of deliberation, Tim decided it was best to stay silent. Only speak if spoken to was usually a safe bet.

That’s how it was for a few minutes. Jason did his thing and Tim watched. The only sounds to be heard were from the boiling water and the chopping of ingredients. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but he wouldn’t call it normal either. There was an uncertain air from both sides, but neither came off as unwanted. It was just a matter of knowing what to say.

It ended up being Tim who broke the silence first by asking, “Don’t you have a recipe?” It seemed like a safe enough question. Jason had been going the entire time without referring to any instructions, so he wasn’t sure how he knew what he was doing.

Jason shot him an exasperated look. “Of course I have a recipe. It’s in here.” He pointed to his head.

Tim raised an eyebrow. “You make homemade lasagna that often?”

“Of course not. Not much of a point to cooking like this for only one person. Kori and Roy loved it though.” 

There was another stretch of silence. Jason was avoiding his attempts at eye contact and focusing completely on his cooking. He appeared to be surprisingly skilled at the task. It reminded him of some of the rare occasions when he’d watched Alfred cook. Quick, clean, and confident.

Looking back on it, it had actually been a long time since he’d last had lasagna. Alfred had been the one who’d prepared it and it had been delicious. But then, everything Alfred made was delicious. Well, ok, the waffles. He wasn’t sure what was up with that, but everything else- delicious. He seriously doubted Jason would be on par with Alfred. Not even close. Still, he didn’t think it would taste bad, though Jason had never struck him as a chef.

“You can go lie down,” Jason said, pulling Tim from his thoughts. “I’m not going to poison your food when you’re not looking.” 

“I know.” He honestly did. Jason had mellowed out considerably compared to when he’d first come raging through Gotham. And when he did get upset, he preferred the satisfaction that came with the physical contact of punching someone. No, poison was more Damian’s style than Jason’s. He should know, the little demon had done it before. Multiple times.

Tim glanced towards the couch, then back to Jason. He _was_ getting tired, and the couch _would_ be more comfortable but… “Do you want me to help with something…” He felt like he should at least offer.

“Oh god, no!” Jason refused passionately, looking horrified at the mere thought. “I want the food to taste _good_. You’ve never really cooked anything in your life. It’s a miracle that you can even semi-function without at least one butler wiping your ass for you.” Yeah, this was weird. Jason was being… nice to him, by Jason’s standards. This was the longest civil interaction they’d ever had. He wasn’t going to screw up this chance to spend some potential quality time with his no longer insane childhood hero.

“Not true,” Tim argued, making his way over to the couch. He positioned himself so that he was fairly comfortable, but still had a good view of the kitchen. “I’ve made pop tarts.”

Jason snorted. “I bet you were one of those pathetic people who had to read the instructions first.”

“There are instructions for pop tarts?”

“Yeah, some people don’t realize you have to _open the bag_ first.”

Tim chuckled. “Seriously?” No way was anyone that dense.

“Bet Bruce’s screwed it up,’ Jason smirked, stirring something bubbling in the pot. “Not that Alfred would’ve let something so commonplace touch the Wayne tongue.” 

And that’s how things went. They continued their lighthearted banter throughout the entire meal preparation and Tim found himself thoroughly enjoying it, especially since he hadn’t had anyone to just _talk_ to for a while now. It was shockingly easy. They avoided any sensitive topics and the conversation progressed smoothly.

Thankfully, Jason hadn’t been lying about his culinary skills. The aroma almost had him drooling as his body suddenly realized it hadn’t received any fuel in over twenty-four hours. Not very healthy, he knew, but food wasn’t generally a priority for him. The dish itself looked like it belonged in one of those food commercials that you know they edited to look way more appetizing than it actually is. 

It was more than a little awkward sitting across from your childhood hero turned psychotic crime boss with a serious bat vendetta turned outcast older brother. He didn’t shift in his seat or anything that might give him away, but he was feeling extremely self-conscious. Talking to someone and sharing a meal with someone were two very different things that took two different kinds of nerves. In this case, talking had been easier. Much easier.

Shoving down the rather energetic butterflies in his stomach, he took his first bite.

His anxiety was instantly forgotten and his eyes widened with surprise. “This tastes just like Alfred’s!”

Jason gave him a somewhat amused look. “Well I sure as hell didn’t learn to cook from Bruce.”

Ok, now he felt stupid. Of course he’d learned from Alfred. Dick had told him how Jason used to follow Alfred around the manor and help out with some of the chores. ‘Like a duckling’, was the way Dick had wistfully described it, though Jason definitely wouldn’t put it like that. He was bound to of picked up a few things.

“So Alfred taught you and Bruce taught Dick?” he joked.

Jason, who had been in the middle of taking a sip of his water (yes, water. This was a weird night), choked in a desperate attempt to keep from spewing water across the table. He swallowed quickly, then coughed a few times as he set the glass down. “That would explain a lot,” he agreed, smiling. Not smirking, a real smile. “He somehow managed to set water on fire once, y’know. It’s a miracle he’s survived this long without Alfie.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Tim said wryly, “And Dick’s just adapted to living as a slob.” Normally, he wouldn’t be as harsh with his eldest brother, but he was still mad at him for his betrayal.

Jason gave one of his signature smirks, then took another bit of his own food. “So, what were you planning to do tonight since Alfie’s got you benched?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Not much,” Tim told him with a shrug which he immediately regretted. He winced at the pain that flared in his shoulder. Dang it, that hurt. He needed to be more careful. “Just paperwork mostly.” 

Jason made a face. “As in Wayne Industries paperwork?”

Tim nodded, his mouth full.

“Ugh,” Jason groaned, giving him a pitying look, “that sounds so boring,”  


Swallowing, Tim shook his head. “No. Well, sometimes a little, but I enjoy it.” He really did. Some people might think it was weird (Jason was one of those people judging by his are-you-insane stare), but he enjoyed the fast pace and the organization and the game of wits that was business.

“To each his own, I guess,” Jason said, shaking his head slightly in disbelief, “even if his own is weird. These papers due tomorrow or somethin’?”

“No,” Tim admitted, “just trying to get ahead of the ball a little. I do have more free time now.” The last sentence came out bitter.

Jason’s face lit up in a way Tim had never seen before. He was accustomed to seeing something between irritated and I-am-going-to-kill-you, but now Jason looked thrilled in a nonmurdery way. It scared him more than the death glare.

“So what I’m hearing is, you’re free!” the very possibly an imposter Jason said gleefully. And suddenly all of Tim’s earlier suspicions started racing through his head again along with some brand new ones.  


“Um, why do you ask?” Tim asked nervously, making mental notes of all the possible exits even though he knew that there was about a zero percent chance of escaping Jason with the current circumstances. 

“Well I made plans for after we eat if you weren’t busy,” Jason revealed, still looking like he’d just won the lottery. Tim was officially freaking out.

“What plans?” he gulped nervously, his senses on high alert.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jason said, _still_ smiling. The world was ending. The apocalypse was here and Tim was not ready. He had a busted shoulder for god’s sake! “You do have a soundproof room here, right?”

He was so dead.

Jason’s eyes took on a mischievous glint as he watched Tim squirm. “Answer the question, Replacement,” he ordered, waggling his eyebrows playfully. The goofy gesture was a nonverbal assurance that he meant no harm. Physical harm at least. Like he didn’t need therapy already.

Tim fingered his phone in his pocket. At best this was going to end with him being the victim of elaborate prank, at worst this would land him in the hospital. A lose-lose situation, but it could definitely be worse.

“Yes,” he finally answered. He didn’t elaborate or tell him which room it was, though it wasn’t hard to guess which room had been given the upgrade.

“Great!” Jason said, picking up his fork again. “Eat up then.”

Tim hesitated. “Are you going to tell me what your big plan is?” he asked halfheartedly, not expecting a straight answer.

He didn’t get one. 

“Nope,” Jason replied, popping his P. “I ain’t gonna monologue. It’ll be fun though. Promise. You’ll love it.”

His confidence was intriguing, he had to admit. Like wondering what the car will look like after the crash. This didn’t _seem_ to be leading down a path that ended in an emergency room. He didn’t have the slightest clue about what could get Jason of all people so excited (which was driving the detective part of his brain crazy as it kicked into overdrive trying to puzzle out what it could possibly be and how much it could potentially hurt), but maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. And if things started going south, he had Alfred on speed dial.

That little announcement killed any conversations they might have had.

The remainder of the meal passed in silence, with Jason making various unsettling faces at him. He knew Jason was just messing with him at this point, but that didn’t stop the dread from churning in his stomach. Whatever awaited him after they finished eating… well, it made it hard to appreciate the food, no matter how appetizing. 

He kept a keen eye on his estranged brother throughout the meal, hoping he’d give something away. He didn’t. All he got were nonsensical facial expressions clearly designed to psych him out. Annoying. To Tim’s relief, Jason’s earlier excitement had died down to a not as creepy level, though he still looked pleased.

Was Tim the _only_ sane person in this messed-up, so-called family?

Besides Alfred, of course.

By the time they were done and the dishes were cleaned and put away, Tim was ready to burst. “So?” he questioned.

A wide grin spread across Jason’s face. Tim could feel his heart hammering in his chest as Jason reached into one of the bags and pulled out… a movie case? 

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. All this, all this was because of a movie?! And Jason wanted to… watch it with him? Movie night was a Dick thing. (Dick’s name led to some unfortunate phrases sometimes.) He wasn’t sure if he was angry or just confused.

He didn’t have to wait long to see what this miracle movie was. Tim started as the case was shoved into his hands by a very eager Jason.

What the-?

One of the most ridiculous Batman and Robin cosplays he’d ever seen was staring back at him from the case cover titled “Batman: The Complete Television Series.” So it was a fan made Batman series? The outfits were tacky and the Robin didn’t even have the right hair color. And their masks didn’t cover their eyes.

He looked questioningly up at Jason, who had been watching him closely, probably trying to gauge his reaction. He wasn’t sure what his reaction was.

“Where did you get this?” Tim asked. Yes, it looked goofy, but it also had a polished look to it. The costumes were clean despite the many inaccuracies and the case itself looked fairly professional so someone, multiple someones, must have dedicated a decent amount of time and effort.

“I came across this little gem while I was multiverse hopping,” Jason explained, tapping a finger on the case. “For reasons,” he said before Tim could even open his mouth. “It’s a long story, but not relevant right now. What matters is that I found this cinematic masterpiece and it is now one of my most prized possessions.”

That was interesting. Tim had already been aware that Jason had done some multiverse travel, but he didn’t know anything beyond that. No one had ever given him any details and he’d never been able to find anything out through his own investigations. A story for another time. “So… this is a real thing then? This aired on tv?”

“Yep,” Jason nodded, practically glowing. What came next came out in a rambling gush. “In that particular multiverse we were all just comic book characters. Superheroes weren’t real. I didn’t stay very long, I was in a hurry, so I didn’t get the chance to look into it more, but I did manage to snag this. It’s the only thing I took from that one. Believe me, I was tempted, but most of it was a liability. I _had_ to keep this one though. It was a series from their 1960’s. It was tragically cancelled after three seasons due to expenses, but it’s one of the best shows to ever grace the screen.”

Tim raised an eyebrow and studied the cover again. So this was an old Batman tv series from the sixties from an alternate universe where they are all fictional characters? Sure, why not. Why wouldn’t Jason have something like this.

“Is it a mystery, detective type show?” Not his biggest question, not even close, but one of the simplest to answer. He assumed it was hilariously bad if Jason loved it so much. The Robin at least must be portrayed in a good light seeing as Jason had been a Robin himself. He would have found it insulting otherwise.

“Action-comedy,” Jason corrected.

“Comedy? How the hell do you make a show starring Batman a comedy?” Seriously. He was the _Dark_ Knight. Sure Bruce was capable of making jokes, but no one considered humor to be one of his defining qualities. Tim wouldn’t even find a joke cracking Batman funny. Just… weird.

“Oh, you’ll see,” Jason cackled, nudging him gently on his uninjured side to guide him out of the kitchen. “You have a tv in your bedroom, right?”

“Yes…” It was a little disconcerting how Jason went directly to his room without any direction from Tim. Then again, his apartment wasn’t that big, so he could have just guessed which room it was from the layout.

Jason opened the door to his rather spartan bedroom (he hadn’t bothered with decorating) and hurried Tim inside. Almost immediately the elder wrinkled his nose, eyeing the laundry piled up on his bed before turning accusingly towards Tim.

Tim’s cheeks flushed pink in embarrassment. “They’re clean,” he defended himself. There wasn’t even that much. “I just haven’t put them away yet.” He returned Jason’s accusing glare with one of his own. “And I wasn’t expecting anyone to come barging into my apartment tonight.”

“I doubt you even know how to fold clothes,” Jason muttered under his breath, barely audible. Louder he said, “Always be prepared for company, Timmy. Have you learned nothing from Alfred?”

It struck Tim all over again how surreal this was; seeing Jason standing so casually in his bedroom looking so _normal_. It had been ages since he’d even seen Jason out of his Red Hood gear. 

Jason always tried to characterize himself as a lone wolf, but Tim believed a different kind of canine was a far better fit. He’d always likened Jason more to an abused dog. Snapping and biting whenever anyone got close, afraid that they were going to hurt him as people had in the past. But dogs are pack animals and therefore long for connections, same as Jason. Such a dog had to be given space while still being given attention. You had to let it come to you. Maybe that was what Jason was trying to do now.

It was a little out of nowhere, Jason had always harshly declined any opportunities they’d tried to give him in the past. He’d spat out all sorts of excuses, ‘we’re not family’ being his favorite. Yet here he was, standing in Tim’s bedroom offering (well, more like forcing) to watch a movie with him and scolding him for not doing his laundry. It was the closest to a normal sibling interaction as they’d ever been.

Annnd he’d drifted off. Tim quickly refocused on what was happening around him. With a jolt, he realized Jason was now beside his bed and was rapidly folding his clothes and stacking them onto his dresser.

“H-hey!” Tim protested, darting forward causing his body to throb a little in response. “I can do it myself.” He tried to block Jason from the fast dwindling pile, but his efforts were futile.

Jason merely batted him away. “You’re injured,” he pointed out, “I can do it faster and I want to sit here. You can go get the movie set up.”

Tim let out a huff of annoyance, but reluctantly complied. Jason made a fair point. He was just relieved his underwear were still in the wash. He might have died from embarrassment. 

As he was setting up the tv, he noted that the movie case’s back cover had been neatly cut out. Strange. It must have been Jason who did it. Perhaps there had been something incriminating in the description? Then it dawned on him. “Wait,” he exclaimed, “Does this have us in our civilian identities?”

“Yeah,” Jason said flippantly, not turning from the clothes, “Batman wasn’t a real person over there, so there was no reason to hide it.”

Tim narrowed his eyes, his lips turning into a sharp frown. “Jason, this is potentially compromising. What if someone got their hands on this? They-“ His reprimand was cut off by the laughter that erupted from Jason’s mouth.

“Why are you laughing?” Tim asked. “This is dangerous!” Jason should know better, he was smarter than this.

Jason let out one last chuckle, then said, “First of all, I don’t just leave it lying around. It’s plenty secure. There’s little chance of anyone finding and stealing it. And even if they do by some miracle get their hands on it, which is again nearly impossible, why would they take it seriously? There’s a ton of fan made junk out there and people have made literally every male, and even some female, God only knows why, billionaire in Gotham Batman at some point or another. No one’s gonna think, ‘Oh, this goofy show must be from an alternate universe. Guess I know who the Batman is now.’ And _trust me_ , there’s plenty of discrepancies between this show and real life that it would be laughable to consider it evidence. Insane really.” 

“Hmm,” Tim hummed neutrally. This did explain why Jason had asked if he had a soundproof room. A little overboard, but bats were nothing if not paranoid. He didn’t entirely agree with Jason’s logic, but he didn’t want to start an argument over it now. They could watch through it and then he could decide the best course of action from there.

The disk itself contained another curiosity. It was a plain silver color with black sharpie scrawled across it spelling out the word ‘Glitter.’ A few musical notes had been drawn on it as well.

“Glitter?” Tim asked, thinking out loud, “As in that old, super bad musical?”

Jason finally turned to face him, eyebrow quirked. “You know about that? Damn, Replacement, your childhood was sadder than I thought.”

“I’ve never actually seen it,” Tim said, “But it’s on the list of worst movies of all time.”

“You remember the weirdest things,” Jason said, shaking his head a little. “But it is a fucking awful movie. That’s why I labeled it like that. No one would try to watch Glitter of their own free will. I don’t usually keep it in its case, but I wanted to see your reaction.” 

A small smile crept onto Tim’s face. “They look ridiculous.”

“Absolutely atrocious,” Jason agreed with a wide grin.

With that, Tim slid the disk into the player, grabbed the remote, and headed back to the bed. Jason had finished with the clothes and now lay sprawled upon his bed, his arms crossed underneath his head. The bed was big enough to fit them both easily, so Tim just sat on the opposite side. 

“There are a lot of episodes,” Tim observed, scrolling through the episode selection. The names of the episodes were very telling for who the villain was for that episode. So many puns. But with so many episodes, there was no way they’d get through all of them in a single night.

“There are over one hundred episodes,” Jason informed him. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we watch all the best ones. It’s an episodic series, so order doesn’t matter. I’ve watched these all over a hundred times with Kori and Roy, but I’ve always wanted to watch it with someone who actually _knows_ Bruce. And Dick too. But mostly Bruce.”

Now _that_ was something Tim understood. No one appreciated Batman humor more than a Robin. Feeling down? Pull up YouTube and watch the newest dancing chibi Batman video. Instant happiness. Dick had honed his skills over the years and was now an expert at finding the funniest Batman videos on the internet, which he eagerly sent to Tim for him to enjoy as well. Tim didn’t think Batman was aware of this little pastime shared among the Robins.

“So the Robin is Dick then?” Tim asked, curious.

An almost evil grin split Jason’s face. “Yep. Goldie’s the only one in the series. Keep that in mind. I’m telling you, I’ve gotten indescribable joy from this show.”

Tim was excited now. This was either going to be amazing or he was going to hate it. There would be no in between. 

When Jason reached over and snatched the remote from his hand, Tim didn’t stop him. Could have just _asked_ for the remote, but whatever. 

Jason must have chosen which episode they’d watch first beforehand because he went straight to one of the episodes towards the top of the list. As the colors began to flash on the screen, Jason settled back into the bed, completely relaxed. The most relaxed Tim had ever seen him. Tim did the same, mindful of his shoulder as he got comfortable amongst the pillows. 

A few things struck him right away.

The first was how _bright_ everything was. Sunny, with too many bright colors. Not at all like the real Gotham, with its ever-pervading gloom. Filled with dark colors and dark people. The city displayed before him felt more like Metropolis than it did Gotham.

The second was Wayne Manor, which was apparently very stately. It just wasn’t as grand and the real thing dwarfed this knockoff version. It was a nice mansion, maybe a millionaire level, but not on a billionaire level. The elite of Gotham, stuck up snobs they were, would never accept Bruce as one of them if he lived in someplace that wasn’t extravagant. 

Then there were the actors.

The Alfred was okay. Didn’t really look like him, but he didn’t look nothing like him either. If he had started out in a crowd of other characters, he could have guessed who he was supposed to be.

He couldn’t say the same thing for the actor playing Bruce Wayne. Brown haired, fair faced, average build, not intimidating in any way. If the narrator hadn’t outright told him that this was billionaire Bruce Wayne, he would have thought he was just a visitor of some kind. 

The Dick character had the same problem. He just didn’t look like Dick.

Was that just how they looked in that dimension? His understanding of the multiverse was that a person’s counterpart was almost always had a nearly identical appearance to their own. There could be some small differences, yes, but they should still be familiar. Were these two just especially talented actors or could they really not find a closer match while casting the roles? Black hair was the world’s most common hair color, at least on this earth, and wigs or even hair dye was a viable option. Although, now that he really thought about it… if this series really had aired in the sixties as Jason claimed, it probably would have been in black and white originally anyways, so that kind of thing wouldn’t have mattered as much. Didn’t excuse all the other inaccuracies though. 

The most confusing presence by far, however, was the strange woman who was seemingly living in the manor. Aunt Harriot. Dick’s aunt presumably. But if Dick had had a living aunt, why hadn’t he gone to live with her? Why were they both living in the manor? Did Dick even have an Aunt Harriot? He couldn’t recall him even mentioning her. Maybe she-

A sharp flick to the center of his forehead derailed his train of thought. He startled at the sudden sting, glancing around in confusion. He then saw that the show had been paused and that Jason was leveling him with an annoyed look. 

“Jeez, Replacement, stop overanalyzing everything,” Jason complained. “God, you’re just like Bruce. You’re missing all the jokes.”

Tim could feel his cheeks flushing. He tended to overanalyze things, especially movies, and it often had a dampening effect on the experience. “Er, sorry. It’s just all so weird. I mean, does Dick even _have_ an Aunt Harriot?” 

“How the hell should I know?! Just watch the damn show.”

Chastened, Tim nodded, fastening his exaggeratedly attentive gaze towards the screen. With an exasperated roll of his eyes, Jason resumed the show. 

Only to be stopped no more than a minute later. 

Tim wasn’t trying to be a nuisance, but he just had to comment. “Is the theme song seriously just the word ‘Batman’ said over and over again?”

Jason paused the tv again. “We’re not even three minutes in, Replacement. You can’t keep interrupting or we won’t even get through a single episode. If you’re not paying enough attention, a lot of these jokes are easy to miss.” He was talking to Tim as if he were a young child seeing their first Disney movie.

“So I can’t make comments? It’s a Batman show, I have to say something sometimes,” Tim pointed out. “A running commentary is half the fun.” And since Jason wanted so badly to watch it with him, he must want to see Tim’s reactions. To see what another Robin had to say. 

“I’m not saying you can’t talk. I’m just telling you to pay attention and not interrupt every thirty seconds.” Jason sighed. “How ‘bout this? We go through this episode without saying anything, to establish some context, then we can start the heckling.”

That was fair. That was usually the best way to present a new series to someone. He nodded, “Sure, okay.”

“And the theme song may not be the most complex thing in the world, but it’s damn catchy.” Jason stated, as the end of the song started playing once again. 

It was pretty catchy.

As promised, he didn’t say anything else throughout the episode. The humor was not what he had been expecting and it was ingenious. They said such ridiculous things so straight-faced, as if it were completely logical. If there had been a laugh track, this tactic wouldn’t have worked. It would have cheapened the joke, but the subtler route was _hilarious_. And they somehow managed to have dialogue that sounded like things their real live counterparts would say, yet at the same time, they would never say it like that. 

For example.

Robin: “You can’t get away from Batman that easy!”

Batman: “Easily.”

Robin: “Easily.”

Batman: “Good grammar is essential, Robin.”

Robin: “Thank you.”

Batman: “You’re welcome.”

Bruce corrected their grammar, most often Dick’s, all the time. So it was something he could totally see Bruce saying and he could even see young Dick responding in such a way. But it was twisted just enough to make it humorous. And they said it so straight-faced! It was brilliant!

Tim was letting out chuckles from start to finish. This kind of humor had always been something he enjoyed and to see it used on a goofy Batman show was just glorious. 

The episode ended on a cliffhanger. A really weird cliffhanger. As a Gotham vigilante, he’d been put in some strange death traps, but nothing like this. Quilted to death? In such a bizarre contraption? And the bad guys just conveniently left the heroes alone? If only real life were like that.

“It’s a two parter?” Tim asked as the screen faded to black.

“Yep. They’re all two parters for the most part. There are a few three parters, but they almost always have multiple parts.”

“This is without question the best Batman show I’ve seen so far,” Tim said approvingly.

The two ex-Robins turned to fully face each other. For a few seconds, they simply looked at each other. Then they simultaneously burst into laughter, filling the dimly lit room with the sound. As Tim doubled over laughing, he didn’t even register the pain that he should have been feeling from the sudden movement.

“They say it all so seriously,” Tim choked out between giggles.

“I know,” Jason said, his face the epitome of mirth. “And it gets even better. Just wait until we get to the Catwoman episodes.”

Oh, he couldn’t wait for that beautiful spectacle. “And Dick,” Tim gasped. 

“I know. He’s such a golden boy.”

“And the fights,” he chuckled.

“They’re so bad they’re good, right? And they label their henchmen so well. There’s this one fight where they’re supposedly fighting underwater. It’s priceless.”

Tim was starting to have trouble breathing now, so he needed to get a grip. With some serious willpower, he finally regained control over his giggles. He took one steadying breath then asked, “Do they always split the episodes with the crazy death trap?”

“Yeah,” Jason said, his laughter dying down as well, though it appeared to take a considerable amount of effort. “That isn’t even the craziest one. And the bad guys always just assume the death trap will work and leave. And the ways they escape are even better than the traps themselves.”

Tim was nearly vibrating with anticipation. If they were all as good as this episode had been, he had to agree with Jason’s assessment of this being a cinematic masterpiece. It deserved no less. This was turning out to be a great night.

“There’s an awful lot of daytime vigilanteing,” Tim said, more thoughtfully. It was so weird to see any Batman, even this one, running around in broad daylight. Unnatural. 

“Yeah,” Jason agreed, sobering up some. “There’s rarely any episodes that take place at night. Might be because of lighting issues or something like that, but it’s still super weird. Batman’s a creature of the night.”

Tim nodded, wariness creeping into what had been a pleasant mood. Maybe they should avoid talking in too much depth about Batman for now. It was so hard to navigate through that conversation without setting Jason off. “Start the next one?” he suggested.

“That’s the spirit, Replacement,” Jason cheered with a winning grin. “We can’t talk too long in-between episodes or we won’t see all the ones I wanted us to watch tonight.”

So they continued their marathon, watching Adam West and Bart Ward as their characters saved their brightly colored Gotham by puzzling out irrational logic and thwarting the villains’ dastardly schemes which rarely made any sense whatsoever. It was absolutely brimming with jokes and references only a Robin could truly appreciate. Tim was chucking out loud every few minutes. And, as weird as it felt, so was Jason. He’d never seen the teen so upbeat and carefree and that made Tim smile all the more.

He knew Dick used to use fake curse words in his Robin days. Other people and even Dick himself made jokes about it from time to time. In this series though, Dick Robin was spewing some ridiculous swear word every five minutes. Holy batrap. Holy alter ego. Holy mashed potatoes. Holy taxation. Holy hostage. Holy fate worse than death. So many holies. Even the less funny ones were still funny because he was imagining Dick saying them. 

The Batman had tons of great lines. Like, ‘A reporter’s lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me.’ As if. Or, ‘It’s obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant.’ If only. And one of the best was, ‘Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrevious.’ That last insult wasn’t even a real word. All the Catwoman stuff was both incredible to watch and so, so cringe inducing. It hurt him a little inside to watch the grotesque flirting, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He hadn’t laughed like this in ages.

The death traps that the villains used made Jason’s laundry idea from earlier seem plausible. Stuck on top of a wedding cake? Turned into snow cones? The mutant clam beast was sadly somewhat believable, but still ridiculous to watch. 

As amusing as the death traps were, it was the escapes that really did it for him. One of these escapes required Dick to use his impressive bird calling skills to compel a passing bird to poke a hole in a hot air balloon. The Dick character had yet to do something that didn’t amuse him. 

Others had Batman preforming impossible, split second math calculations. And Math wasn’t his only unbelievable ability, he also had an impossible lung capacity. His nondependency on oxygen saved him many times. Tim wished they actually had something equivalent to the miraculous universal batpill. Why they didn’t just take one of these before every mission wasn’t a mystery. There wouldn’t be a show if they did. But out of all the crazy escapes, the Alfred saves were by far the best.

Really, they never should get caught to in the first place. The bad guys didn’t even have guns and the knockout gas was so overused that it was predictable so it shouldn’t have been a problem, especially with the universal batpill. Equally as unrealistic was Batman’s shocking lack of grappling hooks and Batarangs. He had a live fish, but no Batarangs.

Robin: “Where’d you get a live fish, Batman?”

Batman: “The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.”

“There’s no way half of the stuff he pulls out of his belt would fit,” Tim protested, grabbing another piece of the popcorn Jason had prepared a few episodes back and popping it into his mouth. He was very aware of exactly how much you could pack into a utility belt. They meticulously organized their belts to fit as much as possible while still having everything easily accessible.

“Course not, Replacement,” Jason said, grabbing a fistful of popcorn from his own bowl. “None of this shit makes sense. That’s part of what makes it so great.” He stuffed the kernels into his mouth and chomped them down.

“But what’s really unbelievable here is how often he says ‘to the Batmobile,’” Tim announced a little sullenly.

Jason snorted, tipping his head towards him in acknowledgement. “Bruce acts like everyone’s a damn mind reader.”

Wasn’t that the truth.

Still probably not a good time to delve into that subject.

Instead of continuing down that road, Tim said, “The Batcave’s super lame in this. And it’s like Dick labeled everything.”

Jason’s eyes flashed with an emotion Tim couldn’t read before becoming wistful. “Yeah, the Cave’s majestic.”

An uncomfortable sensation settled on Tim’s chest. He bit back the words that come so close to shooting from his mouth. Jason would only get angry like he always did.

Jason was silent for a few heartbeats, his eyes far away. Then it was over and Jason continued as if it had never happened.

Over the next couple episodes, the ever-confounding teen didn’t say much. Until, 

Bruce: “Just because we’re traveling, I don’t think that Dick should neglect his studies, so we brought along one thousand key works of literature, his biological specimens, and also his own desk.”

Dick: “I expect to study hard.”

Jason’s groan was so loud Tim swore the bed shook. “He’s such a fucking golden boy. He’s insufferable.” Dick really was a golden boy in this show. But in real life…

“I wouldn’t exactly call Dick a saint,” Tim pointed out cautiously. “He and Bruce argue too, y’know.” He also made idiotic decisions regarding certain ‘family’ members. Not that he considered the brat as family. They would _never_ be brothers.

“Yeah, they argue,” Jason agreed, his voice bitter, “But he’s still the golden boy. Always will be.”

There was some truth to that statement, just not in the way Jason was thinking.

Jason’s expression was darkening, like a cloud before a storm. Tim was starting to feel like a coward for tiptoeing around these touchy subjects, but it wasn’t wise to try to work through a person’s deep-seated issues during their first real civil interaction. Especially if you’re from a group that person holds a grudge (many grudges) against. And that person was Jason Todd.

So he said nothing.

Thankfully, the mood lightened quickly. The show had that kind of effect. Tim got invested back into the show after the first couple puns and, more importantly, so did Jason.

Robin: “Gosh, Batman, is there anything you don’t know?”

Batman: “Oh yes, Robin. Serval things in fact.”

Tim practically choked on his popcorn for that one. Thank goodness his ribs hadn’t been injured last night, this show would have killed him. The subtle jokes used in this series was arguably the best he’d ever witnessed. The writers of this show were absolute geniuses. 

Robin: “Holy Uncanny Photographic Mental Process!”

No one, not even Batman, would notice that three letters were missing from a bowl of alphabet soup. This was one of the most absurd clues they’d used to far. Left by a dog no less. This was utter nonsense and he loved it.

Time flew by. To think Tim had thought tonight was going to be long and miserable. Midnight had come and gone, leaving only the few hours before dawn. There were a couple more close calls with touchy subjects, but they were always dropped quickly.

Robin: “If we close our eyes, we can’t see anything.”

Batman: “A sound observation, Robin.”

A predictable huff came from the opposite side of the bed. “Like it’s ever that easy,” Jason muttered under his breath. Tim didn’t think Jason had meant for him to hear it, but he could sympathize. Batman’s praise was hard-won, but at least you knew he meant it when he did.

The worst clash of the night came a little later. Tim blamed himself completely for his stupidity and lack of forethought. “Man, the bad guys sure get out jail quickly,” he noted as the Penguin got released from jail _again_.

_Shit_. 

Tim knew he’d said one of the worst possible things as soon as the words slipped from his mouth. He tensed, preparing for the worse.

Jason stiffened beside him. “Yeah, guess it isn’t completely unlike the real world,” he growled, “Except they don’t ever succeed in their dumbass plans in the show. No one ever really gets hurt.”

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

“Don’t know how the police can be so much worse and so much better at the same time.” The background noise from the show faded into irrelevance as Jason’s gaze continued to darken with anger. 

“Course, they’re doing it just so they can reuse the villains. It would take too much work to write new ones. That one guy was literally threatening to destroy the entire city and everyone in it, and what happens? He comes back in a few episodes with a whole new plan and not at all deterred by their previous ‘punishment’.” Jason’s voice was raising as his tirade went on. “Hell, half of them _enjoy_ playing with Batman. It’s as much a game to them as it is to him.”

“He doesn’t –“ Tim tried uselessly.

Jason’s head whipped around to face him, his glare boring into him, burning him as his anger seethed. “Don’t even start, Replacement!” he spat. “If it’s not a game to him, then he would do something that gets real, _permanent_ results. It wouldn’t be about Joker ‘winning.’”

Tim swallowed nervously, suddenly very aware that nobody outside would be able to hear them if Jason snapped and attacked. Dammit why had he opened his stupid mouth like that. 

And then Jason surprised him again for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.

The older teen took a huge breath, visibly restraining himself. He unclenched the fists that Tim had feared might come flying at his face. “Not now,” he said quietly. Louder, he sighed, “Sorry, that isn’t why I came over tonight. I’ll rewind a bit to where we were.”

Tim was struck speechless. He nodded dumbly and Jason restarted the scene, though Tim wasn’t really paying attention anymore.

He’d always known the reason Jason had agreed to stop killing was for Bruce’s sake. That he didn’t really believe that killing wasn’t the way. The reminder of that was chilling, and yet Jason also showed a level of restraint. 

In the back of his mind, towards the middle of their viewing, he’d noted two noticeable absences among the villains. The first was Two-Face, though he could chalk that up to not wanting to have a disfigured person in what was obviously a show for all ages. And they wouldn’t have used any villains that didn’t look like normal humans, so Killer Croc and Bane and such were out of the question.

But the absence of Joker was suspicious.

As unfortunate as it was, almost everyone even in their universe, tended to pair the Joker with Batman in an archenemy type of way. There was no way he wasn’t in the show, so either Jason was purposely skipping those episodes, or he’d erased them completely. 

It’s what Tim would have done. Despite his name, the Joker in any form would never be funny.

After that outburst, there were no more uncomfortable conversations. Talking itself became pretty scarce.

Tim was surprised to see it was already 6am when he checked his clock. Jason must of realized what time it was too because he said, “Hmm, I think I’m going to get some coffee, you want any Replacement?” The episode they were on had about five minutes left.

He nodded eagerly. If only the other bats offered him his lifeblood as freely. Usually they tried to keep it from him because they were jerks who didn’t understand he needed coffee to live.

Jason came back just as the screen faded to black and he accepted the brew with enthusiasm. This was probably the longest he’d stayed awake without any coffee to sustain him. He downed it within seconds. 

When he looked up again, Jason was wearing a smug smile. Tim realized his folly too late.

“You little-“ He could already feel the drug taking hold of him.

Jason actually had the gall to laugh at him. “Come on, Replacement. You can’t expect me to keep you up all night and not make sure you got some sleep afterwards. Think of what Alfred would do to me.” He shook his head looking like he was having way too much fun with this. “And for the record, I don’t really like coffee. I’m more of a tea, hot chocolate kinda guy.”

Tim struggled against the drowsiness that was overtaking him and weighing down his eyes. While he couldn’t say he was pleased, he was glad it had ended like this. Some part of him had believed that this would all end in a explosive fight with Jason storming out. So this was… okay.

Jason had collected his cd and come back over to throw the blanket over him.

“Hey, Jay,” he yawned.

“Yeah?”

“Can you… come back sometime? So we can watch the rest?” His eyes finally gave out and the world went dark.

Just before he went over the brink, he heard Jason say. 

“Heh, sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alfred didn't send Jason.
> 
> The idea of this fic came to me while I was watching some of the classic Batman series and I thought ‘I wonder what Jason’s reaction to this would be.’
> 
> The biggest problem I had was deciding which jokes to make and which lines to use. Pretty much the entire series is a treasure trove and I could probably have them react to each episode on it’s own, but I tried to keep this fic somewhat short.
> 
> If some of you think Jason’s being a little bit too friendly, I saw it as him seeing Tim pushing himself away and knowing what it is like to be left in an empty apartment with dark thoughts. Plus, he does feel guilty about the whole attacking Tim thing and he really did want to see the reaction of another bat. And we all know Jason’s really a good person who has been through a lot of shit.


End file.
